Light and Excellence

Wow I'm such good blogger! I love reading what I have said in the past. Anyways lets get down to business! Graduation for me is coming up in a short 18 days! I can believe it because it feels like the time is so slow but its actually almost here. Can't wait for what life brings me after I graduate HS.  While being in High School I've learned this lesson: It is okay to not be okay all the time. I've cried way too much in High School and it's been an emotionally journey for me. Hormones are real. And so are girls attitudes.  I guess why I say this is because these past few months have been harder than when I lost my boyfriend, but they have been a lot easier to heal from. My favorite guard director left our team unexpectedly because they were dealing with a ton of crap in their life. I understood why they had to leave, but I was angry that they left without saying goodbye. I miss them so much. But I was able to move on from that trial only because I had faith th...

Happy New Year! 2017 is going to be a great one for me! Finally graduating high school and learning how to be an adult! Haha, ok more stressful than anything but I'm willing to try it out! I don't really like making new years resolutions because I fail at them everyday, I make mistakes every day but I keep enduring. So what I'm gonna do is continue to be my best self everyday, always improving, always changing. I like looking back and seeing what I accomplished and then getting better. I'm not going to use the word perfect as much as possible. Excellence will take its place as I try to do everything with excellence rather than perfection. Perfection is not something that will make me happy, I'll just keep trying and never reach that goal because perfect is not what humans can accomplish. Excellence can be accomplished though, and that's by giving it everything you got! I'm excited to see where 2017 will take me, because this really is the beginning o...

July 30th was not only the week after my birthday but the hardest day of my life. I tried to end my life. I tried to kill myself. Why am I telling you my story? Because I'm still alive. There are things that day and everyday that changed my reasoning for not leaving the planet the way I did. 1. My parents reaction. I could imagine the horror of seeing their creation, their child, just dead because she didn't feel like she was good enough for this world. Who wants to live like that? Being told they can't do something or feel worthless? It's not a good feeling, I know. 2. Believe it or not, I have friends. Sometimes I don't call some of them my friends cause they're not the most trustworthy and loyal people I know. However I know they care enough about me to be sad if I died. I was talking to a friend about my feelings of suicide and he told me things that has helped me stay alive to this day. Thanks my friend, you matter to me. 3. I had a horrible month with ...

Colorguard to me is like a blood donation. Why? Because I love donating blood!!! I've only done it twice, but as a donor I have saved lives through giving my blood. In guard you're giving your spinning talent and abilities and performing them in front of a bunch of people that actually understand what you're doing and appreciate it. You change their life through your performance and kewl tricks. Now let me tell ya how the process of donating blood is like a Colorguard Season: 1. You wait in the waiting room for like ever and they tell ya to read papers and stuff. Then they take you in to test your blood pressure and hemoglobin... In guard this is like the audition, whether you make the team or not. It's really nerve wracking and stressful sometimes but it is worth getting to the next step. 2. Donating blood. You sit on a comfy chair and they tell ya to squeeze a ball and they clean your arm and put the needle in and it sucks your blood!!! This can relate to gua...

Ugh!!! Life has been so so hard guys!!! I didn't know anything inspirational to say until I went back and looked at my old blogs.  Not trying to brag but DANG! I should become a motivational speaker or something!!!  For those of you who don't know... My rabbit died on Independence Day (AKA last week) and it was the most gut wrenching and heart breaking experience of my life. Especially cause my boyfriend and I hadn't been a couple for a week. (Gosh if I had guard these past two weeks... I would have LOST IT!)  what happened is that I got home from work and about 20 minutes later he passed to the other side. And I as I was holding Wilbur in my arms and sobbing uncontrollably I thought back to his life and how much he had changed me. He helped me be less depressed. I would sit by his cage where he would be all the time and just pet him forever. Be cheered me up. However I'm sure he did not feel the same way about me. He would always be terrified when I would hold him. I s...

Winterguard season was a blast!!! From all the painful to the blissful and unforgettable memories, it was one of the hardest seasons yet! It was probably because I came back after I took a season off! I was on the B guard at first. But around Christmas time they asked me to be a part of the Open guard. Soon after that. I tried to run as fast as my legs could carry me! (Physically and mentally!) but I caught up! At our last rehearsal on Saturday we were doing a run through and I wasn't panting and breathing hard! That was a big accomplishment for me! Also winning and becoming state champs was a really big deal too! Ahhhh!!! What a great season, I loved it soo soooooo much <3  Now I'm going to try to write the words that are from our show!!!! We this people on a small and lonely planet,  traveling through casual space  passed aloof stars  across the way of indifferent Suns to a destination where all signs tell us it is possible and imperative  that we discover ...

Wherefore ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a brightness of hope and a love of God and of all men. 2 Nephi 31:20 👌 ( didn't write the rest of it cause I forgot it... But it's a great verse.) I think of my days experience kind of like the pioneers trek.  They had to leave so many of their dead behind without proper burials. :( it makes me so sad to think of their gruesome sacrifices...  And for me my sacrifice was the natural man. (Oh hey wait!!! I fight that everyday!)  Yesterday was especially hard though because after 6 months and 6 days....my boyfriend broke up with me.  And I need this trial. I need it because I'm weak. As strong as I may seem in my words and actions I'm constantly praying for the lord to give me strength. Because everyday is hard, especially yesterday.  And I'm probably gonna be a hermit in my house for like a week now because I need to cry, I need to be alone.  But at the same time I'm a...