That's the last time you are telling me something I'm not.
Thanks to Facebook memories today I was able to reflect on my first band camp 6 years ago. Wow what a ride colorguard was. I guess why I start off by talking about my marching band experience is because it is really the only thing I kept up with throughout my high school career. I learned a lot, I got a lot of bruises, swollen bumps, and even a black eye! Crazy to think that people think it's easier to do marching band than football sometimes.
Anyways, as much as I loved competing and being a part of something breathtakingly beautiful... I was bullied in colorguard. Not by the students, but by my first colorguard director. I don't really remember what I did to deserve the disrespect of said director. Maybe I was being rude, sassy, selfish? I was a pretty annoying teenager.
Going into my second year with the marching band, there were leadership opportunities for those people who marched at least one season the previous year. My best friend at the time was going to try out for a captain spot, and so I decided to try and see if I even had a chance.
My turn for a leadership interview with the colorguard captains and director finally came and I was so nervous! I was hoping I did something right. I sat down in the room with them and they told it to me straight. (Which is fine, I'm glad they did.) You will never be a leader. Ouch. Oh and they told me to not tell anyone, not even my OWN PARENTS! Well you know what, past me would've told my parents right away. Do I remember if I actually told them? No I don't. But that one sentence that damaged my soul at 14 stuck in this now 20 year old's head and I'm done with it.
So to that director that told me I could never be a leader, you're wrong. I can be a leader if I want to be. I have skills and there is no need to hide them. It's time to break out and shine that light that has been screaming to get out of me for six years. I feel like I've been pretending to be intact and seem like everything is okay in my life but that is nowhere close to the truth. I'm here to tell you that leaders don't always have all of their shit together. They care for others needs before their own. They work tirelessly and have sleepless nights thinking about if they are good enough to lead a group of individuals that are looking up to them .
I'm not in love with kids attitudes and teenagers attitudes are not my cup of tea. When I think of how I was once like them and how I was treated at their age, my mindset completely changes and I want to treat them even better than how I was treated. I will stop trying to be what my past directors were like to me. I will focus on what the younger generation needs to feel confident in themselves.
Yes I am trying to become a teacher, an instructor (in possibly colorguard) and an advocate in not only the things I love to do but to teach others that bullying is just not right. It damages self worth more than one can imagine. I believe that I have been a bully because I have once been bullied. To those I have hurt, I am deeply sorry for my actions towards your feelings and I love you.
My message today is to not accept what others think of you. It just eats at your soul. Then the words come back to haunt you and you start believing they are the truth. Those words are lying to you. Stop believing them. Try to put your past behind you. I am doing that today by talking about it, I've learned from it and now I'm leaving without it. Sometimes relieving your pain comes with letting it out. How you decide to do it is unique to your personality. Your worth should not be determined by a person you barely know or someone you've known your whole life. Those types of relationships if toxic, are not worth keeping.
So be a leader or whatever you want to be. This is the last time you are letting someone tell you something you are not!
Anyways, as much as I loved competing and being a part of something breathtakingly beautiful... I was bullied in colorguard. Not by the students, but by my first colorguard director. I don't really remember what I did to deserve the disrespect of said director. Maybe I was being rude, sassy, selfish? I was a pretty annoying teenager.
Going into my second year with the marching band, there were leadership opportunities for those people who marched at least one season the previous year. My best friend at the time was going to try out for a captain spot, and so I decided to try and see if I even had a chance.
My turn for a leadership interview with the colorguard captains and director finally came and I was so nervous! I was hoping I did something right. I sat down in the room with them and they told it to me straight. (Which is fine, I'm glad they did.) You will never be a leader. Ouch. Oh and they told me to not tell anyone, not even my OWN PARENTS! Well you know what, past me would've told my parents right away. Do I remember if I actually told them? No I don't. But that one sentence that damaged my soul at 14 stuck in this now 20 year old's head and I'm done with it.
So to that director that told me I could never be a leader, you're wrong. I can be a leader if I want to be. I have skills and there is no need to hide them. It's time to break out and shine that light that has been screaming to get out of me for six years. I feel like I've been pretending to be intact and seem like everything is okay in my life but that is nowhere close to the truth. I'm here to tell you that leaders don't always have all of their shit together. They care for others needs before their own. They work tirelessly and have sleepless nights thinking about if they are good enough to lead a group of individuals that are looking up to them .
I'm not in love with kids attitudes and teenagers attitudes are not my cup of tea. When I think of how I was once like them and how I was treated at their age, my mindset completely changes and I want to treat them even better than how I was treated. I will stop trying to be what my past directors were like to me. I will focus on what the younger generation needs to feel confident in themselves.
Yes I am trying to become a teacher, an instructor (in possibly colorguard) and an advocate in not only the things I love to do but to teach others that bullying is just not right. It damages self worth more than one can imagine. I believe that I have been a bully because I have once been bullied. To those I have hurt, I am deeply sorry for my actions towards your feelings and I love you.
My message today is to not accept what others think of you. It just eats at your soul. Then the words come back to haunt you and you start believing they are the truth. Those words are lying to you. Stop believing them. Try to put your past behind you. I am doing that today by talking about it, I've learned from it and now I'm leaving without it. Sometimes relieving your pain comes with letting it out. How you decide to do it is unique to your personality. Your worth should not be determined by a person you barely know or someone you've known your whole life. Those types of relationships if toxic, are not worth keeping.
So be a leader or whatever you want to be. This is the last time you are letting someone tell you something you are not!
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